Attempted automated wordcount. Please use LibreOffice/MSOffice for an accurate count: 1581

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Intro for newcomers

Equestria. A beautiful land of lush, green meadows, fresh water, all natural nature, and the main place where this hunk of dump story will take place: Ponyville!

It's home to several characters, ranging from wide varieties of colors for the Mares* And, (thanks to a wild clone experiment gone wrong) brown and grey Colts**.

(* Horse blabber for Female,  ** Horse blabber for non-female background characters)

Some of the ponies stick out, thanks to their personalities, and not being a part of a oncewhoredout girls toy line their ability to become friends with one another. Here’s a list of these poor suckers.

Twilight Sparkle: The main character of this cavalcade of crud story (and the show). Was a bookworm who’d rather read about random bullpiss than be with friends. Neerrddddd

Spike: The assistant of the nerd Twilight, is pretty much a walking mailbag since he breathes fire on letters and… they get sent to the- they get sent to the WHAT?! “The SUN GOD?” This freaking show has a—Oh for the great calzones above, why, me?

Pinkie Pie:  No.

Rainbow Dash: Arrogant little motherf—I mean, stubborn and a bit tomboyish.  (I’d still hit it though.)

Rarity: Pony version of Brittney Spears. Except she doesn’t go bald. Or do drugs. Or si—wait, yup, she sings.

Fluttershy: Waifu  She’s shy. And she has wings. Hence the name “FLUTTERSHY”. HA HA HA. FUNNY HUH?

Applejack: A southern pony who’s probably the only got-dang normal one of this entire freaking cast of Ronald McDonald spin-offs.

Now we show the OTHER side of this little fartnugget called a story.

Deadpony: Once in the land of the far-away Forgotten Forest, there was a lone pony named Wally Wilpony who decided to venture deep into said forest. Little did anypony know that he found a horrible pony who did EEEEVIL experiments on him, with a stereotypical mad scientist “virus” thingamajig called “Weapon Echhs”.

Deadpony being injected with Echhs, now has a super-beefed up healing factor that’s equivalent to twenty somethin-or-other things that I can’t be bothered to think of since it’s 2:30 in the morning as I write this. This also left Wally with deep mental scars causing him to be extremely chaotic in the noggin, especially when he gets hired to assist with parties.

Now that the introductions are out of the way, let’s get this over with before I go out and set the world record for most suicides committed by one person for writing a fan fic.

It was early in the morning in Ponyville. Most ponies were asleep. Twilight is not most ponies, though. As she shouted at Spike to get up and help her look for an alternate dimension summoning spell.

“Why would you ever need that?” questioned Spike.

Twilight snapped back “Because, Pinkie’s birthday is coming up soon and I want to hire a professional to assist Pinkie this time. Especially after that time with the two frogs, Gumby, Applejack’s lasso, and that entire army of—“

Spike cut her off, trying not to remember. “Okay! Okay! I get it! But why can’t we find someone from Canterlot, instead? And make our lives easier?”

Twilight replied seemingly annoyed. “Because, what’s the fun in doing something simple, when you can do it with books and reading?” (This message paid for by the Libraries of Equestria)

Spike decided to agree with this because if he didn’t, all heck spelled with two “L” ‘s would break loose.

Later on, they finally found the book, appropriately named “Finding Cheap Chums for your Celebration” Twilight decided to browse through the selections. “Let’s see here… ‘Stan Proddums, ‘Abraham Tucheez’… Ah! Here we go! ‘Male pony seeking to show others the “enlightenment of joyousness and spirit”. Also, is NOT a qualified party expert, and may want to dismember you.”

Twilight exclaimed with great joy. “He’ll do just fine!”

Spike attempted to plead. “But, Twilight, it said he wasn—“

Twilight had disappeared as Spike tried to reason with her. Then he decided to let this one run it’s course while he sat back in the “Safety Corner” from which he could see all.”

Little did Twilight know, that this “party-goer” was actually---

*To be continued*

Oh yeah, also it’s Deadpony

Deadpool and Ponies: Part Deux: M. Night Shymalan edition

Hey there, chumps and chumpettes! Remember how we ended the last part on a cliffhanger?

Neither do we! So that’s why we’ll give you this one hint to clueing in on who the party-planning-raggamuffin we know and love is.

What starts with Dead, and end with pony? NO! Not the entirety of “Cupcakes”, daggummit!

Deadpony, of course! (Didn’t see that coming, huh?)

And now back to our regularly scheduled fanfic, already in progress…

“Whew.” Twilight breathed a sigh of relief knowing that that horde of mutant zombie parasprites won’t be coming back anytime soon and was glad to have helped out so much in such an important, battle.

She felt bad for anypony (yep, there’s a pony theme) who missed it, which is highly unlikely since it was:

-Televised

-Reported on in the local newspaper (which was ever so carefully delivered in a nice, non-chaotic way by a light grey pony who seemed to be concentrating so hard, her eyes were mostly facing opposite directions)

-And even addressed by the Mayor, for which the entire cast of dolt-nuts we call “Our Main Cast” got awards for.

Wow, I’d sure hate to be anypony  who missed this, too.

After Ponyville cleaned up the “zombie-sprites” (aptly named Zombie-Zap-Away) everyone decided to relax and prepare for Pinkie’s party.

There was balloons, cake, more cake, more balloons, cake-shaped balloons, balloon-shaped cakes, and as an added bonus a party clown who,( for the sake of this random plot twist I made because I’m so GREAT a tying things together) was a very, very, very, very, very, very, late party planner.

Pinkie cheered for the excellent job they had done, even without the planner’s help. “Oh, thank you everyone! This’ll be the mostest, bestest, superponylicious party in the history of all of my 312 and counting parties!”

Twilight agreed with Pinkie, but not before she checked the closet to make sure there weren’t an army of—

*Biff!* went the fist who, before*hand*, shouting “Griffon-PAWWNCH!” ,became fast friends with the door, as some weird creature that was standing on TWO legs, had fingers, and had a weird smell near the flank-region and foot region. And wore some wacky pajama’s that seemed to ride up in various places.

It was Deadpony. Except he was in a robot of an ape-like creature the ponies have never seen before.

(M. Night Shymalan would be proud at this plot twist)

(Read this in Nolan North’s voice for extra ponypoints) “Hey everybody!” He said in a very enthusiastic voice. “Where’s the cotton picking, nose dribbling, little fartsnot of a birthday pony?” He asked with a still enthusiastic voice. “I’ve been waiting ALL day to see this!”

Everypony looked at him in a “Whazzthisguybeensmoking?” look as he reassured that he was totally *NOT* from an alternate dimension, and that he *HADN’T* found the party by accident while wandering around wondering what types of pop-culture jokes he could crack In a place ruled by friggen ponies.

Pinkie replied “Ooh! That’s me!” while she jumped up and down and moved so fast, that she appeared to be everywhere at once.

Deadpony decided to ask her a few questions before he picked his present from his “Magical bag of ‘ooooooh’ and ‘aaaaaah’ that nobody should look into ever”.

Twilight was sure she saw something that looked like a skull.

“Question One!” Deadpony said to Pinkie. “What is your favorite place in Ponyville?”

Pinkie replied. “Oooh! It’d have to be the conveniently placed cave full of treasures and riches beyond anyone’s wildest imaginations that I found a few minutes ago when the writer decided to think of something to make us say!”

Deadpony wrote on his clipboard, then began the next question.

“Question Two! What is the secret combination to…” *Deadpony pulled out a safe marked ‘Original Content, donut steal* “…THIS safe?”

Pinkie answered hastily, and with great haste. “OOH! I know! I know! It’s  4-5-1-4-16-15-14-25 9-19 1 19-16-25”

Deadpony put in the combination and wondered if that combination of numbers meant anything, but decided not to investigate further into it, lest he be revealed by the powers that be his most terrible secret.

What Deadpony found inside would shock the entirety of Ponyville for years to come.

He found a bunch of magazines. Magazines that showed how Ponyville was founded, featuring who created it, whose blood-line it belongs to, and a bunch of other things that would change everypony’s life, FOREVER!

“Eh, just a bunch of cheesy Pegagyptian scribbles that nobody can read.” Pinkie said as she looked over it.

She threw it into the conveniently placed “Acid/Fire/Burningsubstance incinerator” and out flew an intact piece showing only a multicolored trail of light across the sky with a word under it that translated to “Queen of Ponyville”

Rainbow Dash shed a single tear at this.

*SUDDENLY! A PLOT TWIST!* went the second door next to the first door who quickly became friends with a hoof.

Everyone turned in wonderment, wondermentalizing as to who could be so fraggen awesome to make a punch audibly say a word.

Everyone looked at the newest guest, and back to another guest.

“Who are you?” Asked Pinkie.

“Me? I’m just the guy who made a punch become audible, toots. I’m Deadpony!”

*To be continued. AGAIN.*

Also: Feel free to contact me for whatever stupid reason, I’m sure you’ll find.

goldsonic55@yahoo.com or goldsonic55 under the name of Black Yousa.